This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize