Sry I called you an 8
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
