I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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