so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
