I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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