See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
as a side note pls kill me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
