you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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