you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
