Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
