your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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