I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
