I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
