He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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