if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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