1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
