Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
