They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
