Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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