Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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