whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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