I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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