My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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