It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
