I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
