I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
