Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
