Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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