Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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