You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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