I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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