they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
