does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
