So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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