He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
