I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
4 words: hood of his car
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
