If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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