So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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