i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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