I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
