Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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