Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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