he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
