I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
