I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
