just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
