this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
