Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
