I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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