I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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