Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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