I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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