officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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