I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
