May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Buhtt sex?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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