it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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