If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
