she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
