why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize