the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
