you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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