The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
