i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
