Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is my gift to your gina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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