i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
