if only i could text you this smell
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
