Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
