WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
