And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize