We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
