I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
