So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize