Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
