I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
