maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
